To enter The Independent State od Bela krajina you will need special passport

Years of neglect from the government in Ljubljana and at the same time their love of freedom brought the people of Bela Krajina to declare independence six years ago. They sought independence, wanting to protect their kindness, their smile and their open heart. They sought independence, as they trust each other. Visit them and make sure that there happiness is light years ahead of sadness, dissatisfaction and depression. But beware: To enter the independent state of Bela Krajina (ISB) you need a “passosh”, as the people of Bela Krajina call the passport.

Your passosh will be checked in the village of Jugorje, soon after tumbling over the Gorjanci hill range and the Vahta mountain pass, more precisely, in Peter Badovinac’s restaurant, the first building on Bela Krajina’s side, converted to a border checkpoint. With your passosh you will also be entitled to a discount while cruising through the country’s restaurants, tourist farms, wine cellars, shops and other vendors of goods and services. In addition to the passosh you will need a self adhesive “winegette”, which will provide you with a fifty percent discount on all free parking areas in Bela Krajina. The strict border officer Peter Badovinac will serve you some liquid visa called “karampampuli”. As a souvenir you can buy some banquet wine Metliček, which you will be served in white gloves if you want to quench your thirst in the restaurant.

In the Veselič Restaurant in Podzemelj, the University of the ISB, they offer the ISB driver’s licences, doctor’s, professor’s and master’s degrees, which do not require any learning effort, but rather some euro banknotes.

The ISB was self-declared by a famous person from Bela Krajina, Toni Gašperič, proclaiming himself in the democratic elections as the first president of the ISB. The president has even established his own consulate with consular passoshes in Ljubljana.

In the village of Radovica, the ISB, a few years ago, the Bright Head Primary School was opened. The lessons take place in a 250-year-old building, the teacher has a falsified degree, which he admits but nobody can prove him, the curriculum is from the 1960s and the teacher Jože Matekovič brandishes a stick and sends students to kneel in the corner on corn. He recently presented his wine called Blockhead, and after the lesson his students receive a diploma proving that they are familiar with historic, cultural, culinary and drinking attractions of the ISB. The old and the not‑so‑old leave the classroom after 45 minutes, which is the duration of a lesson, cheerful and jolly. Ministers, bankers, successful businessmen have all knelt on corn, while the oldest “student” who has sat in the benches of the Bright Head Primary School was 90 years old–due to her inappropriate behaviour during the lesson, the teacher gave her a marginal passing grade.

In the ISB, you can visit the Clinic for Becoming Addicted to Oil, which is the first institution of its kind in the world. The beautiful new building is located in the centre of the village of Drašiči and operates under the auspices of the Martin Pečarič Oil Mill. Two lovely nurses, Mrs. Almond and Mrs. Hazelnut, who work under supervision of Professor Doctor Martin Walnuter will offer you more than 25 different types of oil. The Pečarič Oil Mill boasts with more than a hundred-year tradition. Their natural, expert-approved oils will keep you healthy and ease your pain. There is no waiting time at the Clinic and no skipping the queue either. The staff can’t be bribed if you don’t have enough money... Indeed: everything is (un)orderly.

The town of Semič is home of the Ministry of Sparkling. Its seat is in the cellar of sparkling wine maker Ivan Simonič. At the Ministry, you can fizz with anger over everyone and everything, local rulers or state bureaucrats, and nobody will lay a finger on you.

Treat yourself to a trip to the Independent State of Bela Krajina. It will fill you with sunshine and happiness, making you realize that life is unique and beautiful.