25 reasons why NOT to go to Bela Krajina

And what will you do in Bela Krajina? Down somewhere in the south of Slovenia, on the border with Croatia, you don't have much to do. Apart from the fact that they like walking and cycling in nature, read 25 reasons why Bela krajina is not interesting for you.

1. They serve you salty bread to welcome you

Where did you see that? And not only is it round, salty and sprinkled with caraway seeds - it's not even sliced! You have to tear it yourself with your hands! And to drink, they serve you with schnapps or wine, and if you're lucky, you might get some apple juice. They have so much wine that they can't drink it themselves, so they give it to all the guests.

2. They dress strangely

The round savoury bread mentioned earlier, called Belokranjska pogača, is served in strange clothes. They are pure white, with red accessories. The men wear a leather belt, which they call a 'remen', and a red scarf around their necks. It is only quite normal for the women to be in dresses and the men in trousers. If a woman is married she wears a peča on her head. Just like grandmothers used to wear a handkerchief on their heads. If there are festivals and events in Bela Krajina, a whole group of people, called a folklore group, dress like that. Even the children take part, dressed in long white shirts, and they are barefoot! And then they dance in a circle. And they sing. Strange habits they have, really.

3. The towns are old

If you've gone to the big city, you're in a wrong place. You won't find glass domes, skyscrapers, big shopping malls, huge car parks and parking garages, subways and trolleys. The foundations of cities here are 3 000 years old and a whole lot of old vessels, ornaments have been unearthed, and a real knight's sword has been found in the Lahinja River. Household utensils are 7 thousand years old. But they don't use it, they just put it in the Bela Krajina Museum. The Church of St Stephen in Semič was once surrounded by a 10 metre high wall, but today you can only see the remains of it. They had a bunch of castles all over Bela Krajina, but all that is left are ruins. Only some of them are still intact. The castle in Metlika has museum collections, the castle in Črnomelj used to be a disco, the castle in Gradac, on the banks of the Lahinja, used to be a housing estate, and the castle in Vinica has noble castle rooms with hanging beds and a view of the river Kolpa.

4. Hens lay black eggs

The Belokranj hens roaming freely in the meadows and gardens lay black and red eggs with old Belokranj ornaments. The hens in Bela Krajina lay eggs using the batik technique, which was developed in the 18th century. Although the hens are from last year, the technique has remained the same.

5. The means of transport are strange

They still don't have flying cars, they don't ride horses and carts anymore (except occasionally) but use rafts, rafts and canoes to get across the water to the other village. This has now started to be copied by the guests, because they find it nice not to have to paddle upstream back to the starting point, but to come and look for them in vans. You have to take your own food and drink, because there are no shops on the banks of the Kolpa, only a pub on the bank. And you can't just leave your rubbish on the gravel and in the Kolpa, you have to take it with you because there are no eco-islands. Worst of all, you have to go down in a boat for at least 3 hours and there is not a soul to be seen, everything is quiet. All you hear are birds and the sound of waterfalls. And watch out! You can get wet!

6. They have a coast without sea

Slovenia's longest sea-free coastline But hello? What kind of coast is it then? People swimming in a green river that reaches up to 30 degrees Celsius in summer, lying on rocks and grassy banks. They have no sand! They do not have umbrellas, because they all use towels to get out of the sun under the nearby willows. They are all indifferent, leaving everything on the towels while they bathe. There are no Thai massage huts here because everyone gets massages at the natural waterfalls. In some places along the Kolpa there are also sandy playgrounds with sand, where youngsters throw themselves for a ball on a hot day.

7. They have the odd human fish

The famous white human fish from the Postojna Cave is a place every tourist wants to visit when they come to Slovenia. You come to Bled, visit Postojna Cave, see the little dragons, take a tour around Ljubljana and go to the airport. It is no coincidence that she also visits Bela Krajina, where her black cousin lives. The black marsh harrier lives only on a few square metres and is an endemic of the White Carpathian karst. It is not worth going to Biała Krajina to see a few specimens of this special species in its natural habitat.

8. Their cake is without filling

Potica - rich, nut-stuffed yeast dough. Typical Slovenian potica. In Bela Krajina, they have a potica made from plain home-made rolled dough, coated with home-made lard and eggs. A purely homemade crunchy snack. Nothing special.

9. It's full of holes

The surface of Belokranjska is typical of low karst. If there are no limestones protruding from the ground, no chemnitic forest, the surface is riddled with sinkholes. But beneath the surface there are over 600 caves. Some are very deep. A spiral path leads to the Vodenec sinkhole in Semiču, and a walled water hole awaits you at the bottom. Congratulations, you've reached the water table. There are many sinkholes in Bela krajina. The Vrhovské vrtače sinkholes are protected as a natural monument. And who are they to protect karst holes?

10. They are copying the Croatian Plitvice

Wild brook. First of all, it is very difficult to find. There are no signs anywhere. The locals have not all been there. A poor copy of the Croatian Plitvice. In Croatia, there are signs for the Plitvice Lakes at every end from Slavonia to Metkovič. Here you ask 3 times if you are on the right track. You ask yourself, of course, because there is no one else. You are treading on a marked path through the forest, and next to you is a babbling brook, which falls over the lehnjakov waterfalls and makes pools, in the upper part of the brook lives a beaver, and in the riverbed lives the crayfish Koščak. A "fake" and less visited version of Plitvice, Bled's vintgar - and it's free to enter. How behind the times!

11. They have a plane that doesn't fly

The plane is parked right in the middle of the fields on the main road between Črnomelj and Metlika. It used to carry wounded to Italy in WW2, then they left it here in the field. Nowadays it is used only for photography, because I hear that it takes very nice pictures at sunset.

12. The sausages are made of wheat

They are not vegan because they contain meat, but less of it. They are a traditional dish and are filled with millet and better cuts of meat. They can be eaten on their own or in a White Carp shari - which is really just potatoes, beans, carrots and kohlrabi.

13. They have so much wine they sleep in brickhouses

Either you sleep in the open air under the blue sky, or in some noble tents with private bathrooms, or you sleep in a brickyard. There is only one hotel in Bela Krajina. They don't see a problem here and send their guests to sleep in the bungalows. Oh my God, how dare they?

14. They are copying the Istria žlikrofe

Huge White Carpathian ŽliNkrofi. The ''fake'' Idrija žlikrofi are not only huge, they are also a different shape.

15. They lie on stones and are washed with them

Instead of lying on techoratan loungers, they put their towels on the stones. And they walk barefoot on them. Doesn't anything sting them? And they wash themselves with stones, which they dress in wool and claim it's good for exfoliation. Well - it's not exactly a stone - they put soap in wool. But it looks like a stone. Beauty gurus, where are you?

16. They're obsessed with sheep

Oops, it's true that the Belokranjska pramenka is an indigenous sheep. But is it really necessary to be obsessed with them? They feed them, they play with them, they run after them, they photograph them, they make clothes out of the wool, scarves, gloves, socks, underskirts, they rub the wool on their skin. It's not that it isn't. But what they like best is to eat them - because it is said that the traditional speciality of the Bela krajina is lamb.

17. Still kneeling on corn at school

They still stand up when the teacher comes to class, they still write with chalk on the blackboard. There is still a map of Yugoslavia hanging on the wall, and there is still a picture of Marshal Tito next to it. We said that the Belokranj people stayed in 1950. Poor children. Those who are tongue-tied are sent to the corner to kneel on the corn. Horrible!

18. Children playing on the grass and among the canopy

Where are the plates? VR glasses? How do you think they play on the grass and among the canopy? What about benches? What about dirty clothes? What if they eat the soil? These white-croatians are completely indifferent!

19. They have no whistle

Can you imagine? They are even offended when you ask them for cvič! They can talk back that they use it to pickle salad, or the excuse is that they don't have it because they haven't washed the barrel from the Metlika ink. Because they have so much good wine that they don't need foreign wine.

20. There are churches everywhere

There is a church on almost every hill. Some are so old and painted with pagan motifs, some don't even have real bells - they're on horsetail. Here in Bela Krajina they are so special that even the churches are special. One is even painted orange! It's in Semiču - you won't miss it!

21. They dress a boy in green branches and then dance around him

Watch this! A little boy is dressed in green birch branches to create a birch basket. They name him Green George and then dance around him in those strange white clothes, whistling with some wooden whistles. And because that's not enough - they then throw the basket into the river Dobčličica so that it will come again next year and bring spring.

22. They always have an Open Door

The Belokranj people are hospitable, so you can come to them whenever you feel like it. You have to check a list they have on their website first and that's it.

23. They don't use the dual

''We went to Koupo'', ''We're going for ice cream'' seems illogical to you, to them it's quite OK. That's fine. Watch out when they say they are going to the field to pick a fat one, and then they go and see if the vines are growing nicely.

24. To get through the park you have to solve puzzles

To get through the National Park Lahinja you have to be a Slovene! By solving the puzzles you get from point to point and then to the starting point so you can go home. "Cunning - cunning: the horse is on me, I'm on the horse." And where are you going to solve it? The only cunning here was Oton, who wrote these riddles!

25. One day in the White Lands is not enough

Bela krajina it's small, but again, it's too big to see it all in one day. Couldn't we move the source of the Krupa closer to Semiču? Or the source of the Lahinja closer to Črnomelj? Who could think of so many natural sights to date in the middle of nature, far from civilisation? You have to come for several days. And what is the biggest problem? You won't want to go home!